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Every morning, I have six boys to get out the door. Five of my children attend a charter school in Dallas, about an hour from our home. I also have a younger child to get to daycare and a job in education where I need to be on time myself.

I know that getting to school every day and getting there on time matters. But my experience has taught me something about the national conversation around school attendance: We can tell families that attendance matters, but the message alone will not get every child to school. Schools also must understand what keeps children from getting there and work with families to overcome those barriers. High expectations and empathy are not opposites. My family needed both.

As a single mother, I’ve had to learn how to make our mornings work. After the loss of my children’s father, our family had adjustments to make. There were mornings when getting six kids ready, getting everyone where they needed to be and making that long drive to school felt overwhelming.

I never needed someone to tell me that education was important. What I needed was someone to work with me. That’s what I found at my children’s school,.

I began being honest with their teachers and leaders about what our mornings looked like. I talked with teachers, administrators, case managers and others on the school team. When we were running behind, I knew whom I could contact. That open communication made our mornings more manageable and helped get my children to school ready to learn.

My family also helped me make it work. My dad would work overnight and call me in the morning asking why I wasn’t on the road. My sister would call to tell me it was time to wake up and get the boys moving.

Then one conversation with my son’s teacher changed the way I thought about attendance.

Legend was in third grade, and his teacher saw how much potential he had. Yet he was often tardy. She believed he could reach the highest level on his state assessment. But she also helped me understand that getting him to school on time was part of helping him reach that potential.

He needed to have breakfast, which was offered every day at school. He needed to be there for the beginning of the school day. He needed to be settled and prepared for his first class. That conversation changed something for me.

I had always understood that attendance mattered. Now I started thinking about everything my children could miss when we weren’t on time: breakfast, their morning routine, important instruction and the chance to start the day prepared. So, we changed our routines.

It wasn’t easy. Getting six boys out of the house on time isn’t easy for anyone. We worked at it because I knew what was waiting for them when they arrived: teachers who cared about them and believed in what they could accomplish.

My children’s teachers didn’t lower their expectations for my family. They helped me figure out how to meet them. That distinction matters.

Sometimes we make assumptions about families when a child is absent or late. We assume the parent doesn’t care. We assume school isn’t a priority. We assume they aren’t trying, but sometimes we don’t know the whole story.

Maybe a parent is getting multiple children ready. Maybe they are dealing with childcare, work schedules or a long commute. Maybe their family has experienced a loss. Maybe they’re simply trying to figure out how to make everything work.

That doesn’t mean attendance isn’t important. It means we need to understand what makes attendance difficult and work with families to overcome those barriers.

My experience showed me that schools don’t have to choose between accountability and understanding. They can expect students to be at school and ready to learn while also recognizing that families may need support getting there.

People ask me why I continue to drive an hour to get my children to school.

My answer is simple: The school team cares. They have the best interest of my kids, and as a mother, that matters.

 If we want to improve attendance, we cannot simply tell families that showing up matters. We must understand what keeps children from getting there and work with families to overcome those barriers.

Attendance isn’t just a number on a report. It is a child sitting in a classroom. It is a teacher recognizing a student’s potential. It is a family figuring out how to make it work.

And sometimes, it is a mother getting six boys out the door and knowing that the people waiting for them at school are in their corner.

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