FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. 鈥�  can conjure a familiar scene: adults crammed into child-size chairs, listening to teachers run through a list of students鈥� achievements and struggles.

For many families, they can also mean frustration. Today鈥檚 school conferences are sometimes 15 to 20 minutes, with little time for parents to ask their own questions. Adults may arrive with their own baggage about their time in school. They may be worried about being judged or dreading what a teacher may say about their child. 

For teachers, conferences can mean pressure to give a snapshot of a child鈥檚 progress, with the next opportunity to connect months away 鈥� if at all.

The conference may be brief, but it can set the tone for a family鈥檚 relationship and partnership with the teacher. Parents, teachers and school administrators have these tips to make the conference productive and help build a stronger connection between home and school.

Communicate early and figure out what works

Schools typically offer several early opportunities for parents and teachers to connect, from meet-the-teacher events and  nights to open houses. By the time conferences are on the calendar, parents and teachers should already be communicating.

But sometimes it can take weeks, or even months, to hear from your child鈥檚 teacher, who must establish relationships with dozens of families. Don鈥檛 wait, say parents and teachers alike. Take the initiative and reach out yourself.

鈥淒o you want to set your child up for success? It鈥檚 a yes or no. And if it鈥檚 a yes, then you have to be very involved,鈥� said Bell White, a Houston mother of two.

When her son Lennox, now 8, was in preschool, four teachers came and went during the school year. White quickly learned how important it was to stay engaged with the school.

Since then, she has introduced herself to each of her son鈥檚 teachers at the first opportunity, even if virtually. She tells them how she prefers to communicate 鈥� whether over email, phone or via a school app 鈥� and when she鈥檚 most reachable. 

Technology can make it easier for parents with multiple children or busy schedules to stay connected and for teachers to send quick messages or reminders. But with , some parents say it helps to establish a preferred way to communicate.

Early in the relationship, parents and teachers should focus on building trust, said J.B. Robinson, a clinical psychologist and dean of students at National University in San Diego. Positive interactions are like putting money into a relationship bank that can be drawn on when challenges arise, he said. For parents, that can mean showing interest in the classroom and recognizing the effort that goes into creating a positive learning environment. Teachers can similarly begin with questions about the individual child, rather than immediately moving into classroom expectations or academic performance.

Whatever the nature of your first communication with a teacher, try not to worry that you鈥檙e bothering the teacher. Your child鈥檚 growth is the priority, and communicating with you is part of the teacher鈥檚 job.

Make the time count

Parent-teacher conferences are designed to address students鈥� academic and social progress, identify concerns and discuss what comes next, but there may not be time to cover everything parents or teachers want to discuss.

鈥淭he teacher and the parent need to go in with realistic expectations as to what can actually be accomplished in one parent-teacher conference and see that more as a starting point for a conversation,鈥� said Robinson, the psychologist.

The meetings can also be ripe for tension. Teachers may be having dozens of back-to-back conferences, while parents may arrive with weeks鈥� worth of questions, all seemingly valid. Depending on the school and the child鈥檚 grade, some teachers follow a set agenda, with presentation slides, packets or lists of topics to cover.

Emily Henderson, who teaches first and second grade at BASIS Charter School in Flagstaff, Arizona, says her conversations are mostly individualized, with some focusing more on academics and others on social-emotional needs.

鈥淲e use parent-teacher conferences to really talk about strengths, talk about weaknesses of students, and then come up with a plan together to address those concerns or address those needs,鈥� Henderson said.

Given time constraints, parents should come with just a few thoughtful questions, teachers say. But remember this is a starting point. It鈥檚 totally reasonable to set up another conference later in the year, even if your school doesn鈥檛 have one scheduled. Or you can continue the conversation online or over the phone.

What to do if your kid is present

Some schools recommend that students join the conference, and in other cases, a parent may want to bring them along 鈥� or need to, if they lack child care. For younger students, teachers recommend asking in advance whether they should attend, if that is an option. If you do plan to bring the student or younger siblings, let the teacher know ahead of time so they can prepare for a more engaging meeting or set up a few distractions.

If younger students are present, it is up to administrators and teachers to engage them and speak directly to them, said Kellie Hintze, head of school at BASIS Flagstaff.

鈥淲hen I have younger students at a meeting, we typically have a mini meeting with the student and the parent,鈥� she said. 鈥淭hen we can dive a little deeper or have those long, drawn-out conversations that a student wouldn鈥檛 want to be a part of or be able to focus through.鈥�

Older students have more agency over their learning and are better positioned to contribute to discussions about their progress, challenges and possible next steps, experts say.

鈥淲e鈥檙e doing students a disservice when we鈥檙e not teaching them how to advocate, when we are not teaching them those communication skills, to have the tough conversations when they need to be had,鈥� said Kendrick Friendly, who is a high school assistant principal with Denver Public Schools. 鈥淭his is a safe space for those conversations to happen.鈥�

Questions to consider

Parents don鈥檛 need to arrive with a long list of questions. A few thoughtful ones can help clarify what a teacher considers success, what they are seeing in the classroom, what support is available and how to stay connected throughout the year.

Consider asking:

1. How do you prefer to communicate with parents, and how often should we check in?

2. What does success look like for my child this year?

3. How do you identify when a student is falling behind, and who should I speak with about getting additional support?

4. What are you noticing about my child that I might not see at home?

Leave with a plan

Parent-teacher conferences do not resolve every concern, but they should identify next steps, whether those are regular check-ins, strategies for improved behavior or additional resources, such as tutors, specialized instruction or extracurricular activities.

Before leaving, make sure everyone knows what happens next, who is responsible for it and when you鈥檒l check back in. Don鈥檛 be afraid to request another conference later in the year. Remember: Your child鈥檚 growth is the priority, and it will take everyone in the room to get there.

This story was originally published by The Associated Press

The Associated Press鈥� education coverage receives financial support from multiple private foundations. AP is solely responsible for all content. Find AP鈥檚  for working with philanthropies, a  of supporters and funded coverage areas at AP.org.

The school, which serves 400 students pre-kindergarten through second grade in Maryland鈥檚 Baltimore City Public Schools, is rethinking the way it operates to boost parental involvement, said first-grade teacher Kaylah Crawford.

Crawford, who is in charge of family engagement at Arundel, said every student will lead their own parent-teacher conference this year, giving their families a glimpse of what they do in the classroom.

鈥淪tudents will be leading their conferences by saying, 鈥楾his is what I鈥檓 doing in school鈥� and then parents will be able to see (their child鈥檚 work) firsthand,鈥� Crawford said. 鈥淚t’s more engaging for families to hear from the student about how they鈥檙e performing.鈥�

Parent perception of their child鈥檚 educational progress is tricky for many schools around the nation. A recently released national study has unveiled there鈥檚 a stark gap between parents’ knowledge of their child鈥檚 performance in school and their actual achievement in the classroom.

released in November by Gallup and the nonprofit Learning Heroes, surveyed roughly 2,000 parents of K-12 public school students nationwide about their experiences with and perceptions of their child鈥檚 educational achievement.

What researchers found was that parents don鈥檛 have a complete understanding of their child鈥檚 progress, said Bibb Hubbard, founder of , a national parent advocacy organization.

Nearly 9 out of 10 parents surveyed believe their child is performing at grade level in reading (88%) and math (89%) despite standardized tests showing far fewer students are on track. showed that at the beginning of the 2022-23 school year, public schools reported on average half of their students were below grade level.

鈥淲e just can鈥檛 afford to leave parents on the sidelines right now. We absolutely don’t have 9 out of 10 students performing at or above grade level, unfortunately,鈥� Hubbard told 社区黑料. 鈥淲e need to give parents more information.鈥�

The study also found that nearly two-thirds of parents (64%) said report cards 鈥� often considered the 鈥渉oly grail鈥� of measurements, Hubbard said 鈥� were important in determining whether their child is at grade level. And for 79% of parents surveyed, those report cards showed their children getting mostly B grades or better.

Hubbard said oftentimes, good grades equal 鈥渙n grade level鈥� for parents.

鈥淭hat鈥檚 because they鈥檝e not been told otherwise,鈥� she said. 鈥淕rades don鈥檛 necessarily reflect grade-level mastery. You can also have your fourth grader getting an A or B in reading and that鈥檚 because they are reading at a second-grade level and they are getting B鈥檚 on their quizzes at a second-grade level.鈥�

Crawford said her building principal strives to be transparent with parents about grades, but recently it has become more evident that some students complete homework without understanding all of the content.

鈥�(Turning in finished homework) doesn鈥檛 necessarily mean that they鈥檙e able to read or even always able to complete work independently,鈥� Crawford said. 鈥淪o one of the things that we鈥檝e done to target some of those discrepancies is starting different family programming.鈥�

Arundel Elementary School launched a program called Family University in December, Crawford said. Parents can communicate with school staff to learn more about what鈥檚 happening in the classroom. They will also get feedback about what their child needs to work on academically.

鈥淲e learned through every program that we have within the building that the goal is to teach the parents something that would better prepare them to have a scholar within the school system,鈥� Crawford said.

When parents are more informed about their child鈥檚 academic progress, they are more likely to take action and discuss concerns with their child鈥檚 teacher, Hubbard said.

The study found that 97% of parents who know their child is below grade level in math are worried about their child鈥檚 math skills. Only 22% of the parents who knew their child was at or above grade level in math were concerned about their child鈥檚 math skills.

Parents were also asked about what worries they have about their children.

鈥淔or the parents who perceive their child to be at or above grade level, their top worries are social media and emotional well-being 鈥� reading and math fall to the very bottom of their worries,鈥� Hubbard said. 鈥淔or those parents who have information that their child is not performing at grade level, their number one worry is math or reading.鈥�

Researchers also unearthed racial differences in parents’ perceptions of how well their child was doing in school. The study introduced a hypothetical scenario to participants where their child receives a B in math but has two below-grade-level math test scores. While more than half of parents (56%) said they would be very or extremely concerned, Black parents were more likely to say they would be concerned (72%) compared with Hispanic (56%) and white parents (52%). 

Black and Hispanic parents were also more aware of their child鈥檚 academic performance in the study, Hubbard said.

Black (42%) and Hispanic (40%) parents were found less likely than white parents (54%) to say their child was performing above grade level in reading, with a similar finding in math. 

Contradicting that Black parents don鈥檛 care about their child鈥檚 education, Hubbard said, 鈥淏lack parents in particular are taking more action, thinking and more deeply worrying. The Black parent in this dataset really emerges as the super active parent that鈥檚 really focused on academics.鈥�

Lakisha Young, co-founder of Oakland REACH, a parent empowerment group that recently launched a large-scale parent-led tutoring program, said Black parents in Oakland have been more aware that something isn鈥檛 right with their child鈥檚 achievement, but they don鈥檛 know what to do about it.

鈥淭hey’re definitely plugged in around something not being right,鈥� Young said. 鈥淲e asked our parents what was keeping them up at night and they just said, 鈥業 know my child’s not reading on the level they should be. But I’m not really getting a lot of help from the school to figure out the best thing for me to do to move forward.鈥� 鈥�

The parent perception problem in education is solvable, Hubbard said 鈥� parents need to look beyond their child鈥檚 grades and engage with teachers to get to the bottom of their achievement.

鈥淭eachers say that the number one way to know how your child is achieving is to ask them,鈥� Hubbard writes in the study. 鈥淎sking teachers to unpack those factors and focus on grade-level learning is how to know where to lean in and help.鈥�

Young said when her own son is struggling in his eighth-grade classes, he鈥檚 not the one to inform her 鈥� his teachers are. 

鈥淚 think things that continue to be helpful for families is to be able to feel like they can engage with the school and I think it really starts with building a relationship early,鈥� Young said. 鈥淜ind of (letting) the school know, 鈥業’m here, I’m accessible. I care. I want to understand these things about what’s going on with my kid.鈥� 鈥�

Learning Heroes has been working to boost parent engagement across the nation, most recently with its campaign. The campaign partners with local nonprofits to connect parents with teachers and helps them understand achievement scores, among other resources. 

In addition to the national project, Go Beyond Grades has local campaigns, most recently launched in St. Louis, Missouri, but is also in New York City, Chicago, Washington, D.C., Houston, Boston and Sacramento.

鈥淕rades are important, but we need to unpack that a little bit and get some additional information about how your child is doing,鈥� Hubbard said. 鈥淭he call to action is pretty simple.鈥�

Disclosure: The Carnegie Corporation of New York provides financial support to Learning Heroes and 社区黑料.